Emptiness.

The feeling of nostalgia often leaves me in a balance of euphoria and despondency. Recently I found myself pondering about the friends I’ve lost along with time, each and every one that used to mean the world to me are now very much insignificant. Why? I honestly don’t know, it’s like we just drifted and lost the special bond we used to share. Things I got alot like, ” we’ll be friends forever” and ” I don’t know what life would be like without you around” are merely fabricated “feel good” words.

Ask yourself honestly, have you ever had a friend you neglected. Think of your old jeans you used to wear so frequently until you bought a new pair. It’s the same concept as neglecting a friend, when a new friend that comes along that treats you better you change boats.

Sometimes I just want to watch all these burn and die. I want to run away and be free from all these. Fuck it, Fuck care, Fuck this, Fuck life.

Dear God when will you take me home?

Because life’s like that!

There is never a limitation or a boundary to the wants we have in life, shouldn’t we be complacent in this aspect of life? The difference we spot from people who lived on this indifferent Earth one hundred years ago is that we have become so much more materialistic.

Isn’t there so much more to life than material needs? A flashy car? A wallet bursting with bills? Does all these really matter? I get an incessant amount of people telling me how they would favour happiness over materialistic wants, but that is not often the case when you are faced between 50 million dollars and helping an old lady cross the street. Take some time off and slow down, has the frail old lady that collects drink cans from the dustbins ever caught you attention? Probably not. And you probably don’t realize how far a mere 2 bucks can go for people like her. A feeling of melancholy strikes me hard every time I have to see such a pitiful sight, the hardships she has to go through to earn that meager sum of money to support herself which is probably hardly enough for her to get by while we are sitting in our comfortably air-conditioned rooms surfing the net. I hate to say it but most, if not every single one of us are all guilty of committing a sin similiar to this type.

On a lighter note, a good friend of mine wanted the world to know that she rocks my world.

Involvement & Commitment.

Do you know the difference between involvement and commitment? Think of eggs and bacon. The chicken was involved whereas the pig was committed.

Life is all about involvements and commitments.

Maybe we’re scared of love.

It was the first day of school, their eyes first met along the corridor as he vaguely remembers. Her slightly brown hair, near-flawless complexion and warm smile. She was definately a girl of great beauty and she  immediately caught his attention. It was obvious that there was a certain chemistry that created an unbreakable bond between the two and soon after much conversing it was no suprise that they became bestfriends, but little did he know of the secret torch she had been carrying for him.

Days passed and their friendship blossomed, it was the second term in a blink of an eye. Along came this girl, this girl who possesed the power to change everything. Typical love story, boy meets girl, boy likes girl, they both live happily ever after. He could only wish it was that simple. The second girl and the first girl became best of friends, which left the boy in a very sticky situation. The boy and the second girl decided to break the news to the first girl which ended up leaving her in a devastated state. The love triangle ended in the most detrimental way ever. For many months, the second girl and the boy were without a doubt head over heels about each other and it seemed like the most perfect relationship.

 At this point you might think what could possibly go wrong, another girl? Yes indeed, another girl. But this girl’s story was not like any others. She was not the most demure nor was she the most gorgeous girl but there was something about her that attracted the boy to her. Initially they started out as friends, then bestfriends, and when the second girl whom the boy was still together with found out about their friendship, things got really heated up. The second girl suspected the boy of cheating on her and the boy was so furious he ignored her for a long time and left things hanging. Later on, the boy realised that his heart had a soft spot for this third girl and thus the courtship begun. Now this is a typical love story, boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl doesn’t like boy, boy gets his heart broken, except that this boy’s heart was so shattered he found it difficult to fall in love again.

Nearly a year and a half had gone by, the boy suddenly found the courage to face the second girl again and to finally talk to her as an acquaintant. Little did he know that ever since the day he left her hanging, she still haboured hopes to have him back in her life. She was going overseas to further her education and they decided to meet for the last time. When they met he knew that she knew that what they had before was not over and love was in the air again. This time, she had decided to forgo her education overseas to be with him and he was determined to shower her with the same love before. Somehow, things did not work out the way they were supposed to and he left things hanging for the second time.

Its was her birthday, he realised his mistakes, this time for real. He plucked up what little courage left of him to apologise to her and sincerely asked for her friendship back. Their friendship did not quite work out and they did not talk for ahile, it was basically awkward for them. One day the boy decided to try his luck, he sent her a text and they were conversing for abit until she said “I think we should stop talking for a while. I can’t handle this right now. I don’t want to be hurt anymore.”

That was when the boy realised how much the second girl loved him and no matter how much time had passed, he could not erase the fact that he had changed a person’s life so drastically. Each time he recalls the damages he had done, he could only think to himself, “If only i could turn back time.”

ps: things with the third girl didn’t work out either!

This is real.

I lay on the floor this morning only to find myself lost.

It had struck me again, this time hard. I realised that i wasn’t fighting with you, I was fighting with me. My inner demon. All these time I had taken you for granted, brushed you aside and summoning you only when i needed. I admit I am selfish, but I really do want you and I really do need you, because without you I am nothing. When I was with different “you’s” I found myself being a different me, who is the real me and who is the real you that I need.

30 years down this road, do we still see each other with a smile or would we pretend we do not know each other? Will there be awkwardness and tension before we hit the 30 year mark? Sometimes I think too much but this is the excitement we get from not knowing what the future has in stall for us, this is the real deal. This is life.

You, are my friends, every single one of my friends.